Have you ever found yourself stuck in a hard season for a very loooooong time? The kind of season where your mind and heart just can't find the same peaceful groove together at the same time? Where one minute you feel so incredibly blessed, and the next you're severely depressed? The kind of season that when you try to talk to others, they don't seem to think your struggles are 'that big' of a deal and you should just get over it?
I've been in one of those seasons for the past 17 months. But if I'm truly honest with myself, I've actually been there for about 42 months (the day my husband I moved away from WA...but more on that another day). And you know what's even more pathetic...it's not my first hard season. I learned so much from those seasons too, so why can't I find my way out of this one yet?
Long story short (for today's edition)...
My parents separated last year, with their divorce finalizing this past summer. They were married for 36yrs. As a child, I longed for that day to come so the fighting would end. As an adult (and married nearly 14yrs myself), I longed for the day of healing and reconciliation. I prayed harder than any child could for their parents. I believed 100% that redemption could come for them!
Now I'm just sad. And I can't get a grip on the sadness most of the time. But is the sadness for me? Is it for them? Is it for the entire family? I don't know. I just keep thinking that it's not supposed to be this way!